Noticing that a half-closed laptop in a meeting signifies 'I'm listening'. And not checking my emails, really.

Has anyone invented a word for the annoyance felt at the realisation that you've woken up picking over an irritating conversation with someone you can't stand in real-life, never mind in dream-life. What a waste of a good dream. Bah.

Positively popping with excitement dans le jardin. This little papaver was a mere bud at 8.30 this morning, by 7pm, a full-blown bloom. Nice.

Currently wondering how I can synch up flight departures from Heathrow to the planes passing across my window.

From Minor 9th. After my starter for 10, here's five (more) things you (probably) don't know about me:

1) When I was ooh, 7 years old, I wasn't allowed to play in the ivy at my parents' house. So I did. And of course, a stray bit of twig jabbed me under my eye, and blood spurted everywhere (I mean, really, all over). Did I fess up? Course not. I told my parents that my brother had thrown a stone at me and he got a reet royal walloping. Sorry, Spudge.

2) I can read maps like a man.

3) I hate with a surprising degree of hatiness them people who don't have their money ready at the till in the supermarket. Didn't you know you'd have to pay?

4) I nearly ran off the top of Helvellyn when I was two.

5) I would like to live in a home that has cats drilling behind sofas and living in drawers.

In a departure from passing on to five people, I'm passing this to Gavin, and then telling (asking) Ian, Dan, Holly and Andy to get those bloody blogs started.

Just discovered that my friends the builders have painted all my windows shut. I thought the sing-a-long-a-Magic FM was good, I thought the belches, fucking and farting had harmonious potential, and their pile driving! Let there be pile driving. But the windows. There really is no end to their talents.

(Dan: this one's for you.)

Four years have passed since I last took a good look in my bag. Here's what's in there now. For the curious, it's currently a leather-strapped cross-body jobby.

2 tissues
1 comb
1 red pen
1 blue pen
1 black pen
1 A4 ringbound notepad
1 USB cable
£50 John Lewis vouchers
1 receipt for Davy's White City (£4.25)
1 London Underground receipt
1 business card (Kate Jones)
1 Philosophy Gingerbread Man lip gloss
1 memory stick holder
6 tampons (3 green, 3 red)
1 smile cheque book
8 tablets left of Nurofen plus
1 invitation to 'Liquid Gold'
1 tiny Christmas card in a green envelope
1 white envelope containing a message for someone else
1 blue and white patterned badge
1 pink and white umbrella
1 Orla Kiely purse
1 business card (me)
5p
what's left of my work pass

Watching a woman on the tube with a gi-normous La Perla bag of which she seemed very proud. Shurely the smaller the bag, the better, I mean, visions of voluminous pants ahoy or what. (And I don't care if it contained lots of small things, that's not the point.)

Musings on the tipping point equation of words - how many people have to use the same word over what period of time, before it starts to feel like everyone's saying it? Notice the resurgence of headfuckover and my favourite new one, cock knocker.

What I want to know is: who is the one-woman environmental disaster who sits in her car by Ravenscourt Park each morning, with the engine running, windows down, smoking a fag and talking on her phone? Every morning. The pine tree air freshener dangling from the mirror is a nice touch, too.

This morning I saw a 50 or so year old man scrunching a checked shirt into the Oxfam recycling bin. Thought, ooh, that's good of him. Then wondered darkly, if it had lipstick on its collar.

Apart from climate change and oil running out, the thing I hate most in life is taking down and putting up shower curtains.

It seems about time to shake this blog right out of its dozy semi-retirement. It's been so long that I can't remember if I've mulled this over on here before, but, have you ever noticed how many people sniff the moment after they've done something embarrassing, like tripping up?

Textual transcription:

6 July 2005
Just been to dentist, my jaw is so numb I can't feel my right ear! Need to recover a little before I come in. x
09:51

Am in Topshop (near the doors). x
18:15

Am going to Bristol on weekend of 15 - you?
23:03

7 July 2005
Balham tube stations is closed and the train is overcrowded. I'm trying the bus to Stockwell. Could be quiet late indeed...Sorry. X
08:34

har xxxx
08:52

You ok?
09:39

Fran
09:49

Are you ok?
10:22

Everyone really calm, the freaks, although jon asked if you were all right. Ben C reports 'bus gridlock with lots of pigs' love you lots xxxxxx
11:26

R u ok?
11:44

Are you okay? Sx
12:01

You ok?
12:15

Are you okay? Heard abt the bombs, it's awful. Roo
15:09

No prob, have fun. x
15:41

Are you alright?! Kat x
16:31

Got ur voicemail ta, been trying 2 ring u all day, all phones fucked. Gonna stay put 2moro too. Hope u get 2 bristol ok. Spk later X
17:18

Just noticed battery going, will nip home and change it in a tick xxxx
17:29

Got your out of office...can understand you wanting to get out of London. Sorry i couldn't do more today. See you monday x
17:54

We were about to leave as the attack happened. Great Ormond St need Z's bed so have cancelled his operation. Hope you are ok x
18:02

Thank God. I thought of you when I heard. Glad you OK. Great Ormond Street have been great, calling me all day with updates on his op. No bed or surgeon avail x
18:09

Very strange day will talk tomorrow. Take care, Phil X.
20:05

Hi, just checking ur ok? Let me know if u get chance, jo x
20:13

Thank goodness! We're fine thanks, 2 much 2 do and no time 2 do it! Will give u a call + catch up soon, I think you'd b much safer back @ the farm tho! xxx
20:22

8 July 2005
Now then - just a quick txt 2 make sure u r ok after the bombings yesterday?
11:29

Jees, that was lucky! It must have been mayhem. Can u send me ur email address, I seem 2 have deleted it!
11:41

Just seen consultant. Break now in line but not knitting so may still op. Hand now in itchy splint and am allowed to drive but he's said it'll be another two to three months before I can ride! Obviously I've told him that's impossible and I need to be fixed sooner.
12:32

Nice! Will see what happens, will you give notice anyway xxxx
13:48

Are you ok over there?x
16:15

Yeah I'm good. Glad you're ok, was v worried and phones blocked. Good to escape to see the boy, eh? Am into mauritian man, must tell all soon... Lots of love x
17:17

Work-related stress pint followed by running home to you and pimms, will be 6.30 latest xxxx
17:37

Or, you could join us in the river, if you fancy? xxxx
17:38

aaaarrgle xxxx
17:39

Utterly maddening.

Walking across the office to speak to someone, getting as far as Hi, how're you doing. Then their phone rings. And they pick it up. I mean, actually pick it up in order to answer it and have a full conversation while you hover behind.