Unfortunately ear-wigged on train home from Liverpool, this exchange between boyfriend and girlfriend:

Girlfriend: Do you want the other half of this sandwich?

Boyfriend: You ate all the pasta.

G: No I didn't, I saved half the pasta for you.

B: Fuck off.

'Anybody want a cup of tea?', this is Mum's war cry from the kitchen. My brother has walked in fresh from a week in the sun and is already massaging his temples saying he's stressed. On the plus side, Dad has just given me a glass of whisky (whilst telling me I'm an alcoholic) and there are inumerable back issues of 'You' magazine, Argos catalogues and 'Which?' magazine to read.


Which? - from whose pages I learned that just two of the 18 flights I took last year, to Australia and back, cost the world five trees (at 34368 km return, 3.78 tonnes of CO2 produced). See how bad you've been.

Bored at work, so thought, hmm, let's look up old school crushes on the web. Made infinitely more interesting by seeing what their global namesakes are doing/have done, imagine, I could now be the wife of: a Vice President & Head of US Sales, a Curator of Graphic Design, a Brigadier-General, a Prozac survivor and a NASA astronaut.

Centuries apart on a sunny spring Sunday at Tate Modern and down the Thames.

After a sunshiney-sparkly day spent by the Thames, decided to nest home alone. Got fidgety so went to the shop to buy Private Eye, an Observer and the New Statesman. Came back with Elle Decoration (free Toast catalogue), Glamour (free CD) and a chocolate Aero. It was worth leaving my cosy flat just for the night sky so bright that I could see the vapour trails of passing planes.


It's Sunday so may as well carp on about God a bit.


Oh and war starts tomorrow, allegedly. Am I the only person who's actually a bit scared by that?

A typical meeting at my workplace comprises a group hug accompanied by phrases such as 'yeah, we need a, um, it's like a massive sort of internal meeting kind of thing'. Is that just us?

Baby.

Strafing past my window. Are these giant cake tins, biscuit cutters or pens to hold staff in?

Avoid embarrassing mixed signals. Words that really are better not confused in a flurryette of predictive texting:

:: rich, shag

:: yank, wank

:: alone, blood

:: duck, fuck

:: if, he

:: rid, she

:: gave, hate

:: lisp, kiss

:: no, mm

:: loud, love

:: pew, sex

:: add, bed


If it's mixed-message sent, find out what to do next.