The return of the bag: seasonal constants and changes of my life since 14 April 2003.

1 pot of Carmex lip balm
1 pot of Dr Hauschka lip balm
1 pot of Smith’s Rosebud Salve
1 tube of pink Revlon lip gloss
1 tube of Lancome Juicy Tubes (Melon)
1 Mulberry purse
1 2 packets of Wrigley’s Extra, opened
1 cinema ticket for ‘City of God’
2 tickets for train and entry to Louisiana
1 copy Haruki Murakami's 'The Wind-up Bird Chronicle’
1 copy Private Eye
1 BBC diary
1 BBC security pass
3 1 polaroids: 2 1 x me drunk, 1 x me playing Scrabble
1 pay slip
1 pension slip
1 pen
1 receipt for Sainsbury’s Tottenham Court Road (£28.81)
1 receipt for Selfridges, The West Village (£70)
1 receipt Budgens (£11.62)
1 recipe Butik Botanik (SEK 115)
1 smile cheque book
1 hair brush
1 exposed, undeveloped roll of Ilford FP4 Plus, 125
1 roll of developed film and a CD
1 Chubb key of unknown origin
5 tampons of various sizes
1 set of Focus Dailies contact lenses
1 vial Lip Venom
1 letter for someone else
2 tissues
1 hair grip
3 plasters
1 conker
1 umbrella, broken
£1.25
1 ‘I love Sweden’ keyring

I know what you're doing.

(Well, I don't, but I could do.)

Tsk.

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.'

He said 'To camp?'

I said butchly 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.'

I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.'

He said 'Camper?'

I said campily! 'Make your mind up.'

New shoes!

Is it possible for anyone to give a lowest common denominator presentation, without hinting that they really do know quite a lot more? We know you're clever.

Two small bemusings:

:: do newsagents choose their own shop awning? Is Cadbury's better than Coca-Cola? Oooh, not sure about this year's colour.

:: spring vegetable soup, summer vegetable soup, winter vegetable soup. Where the devil is autumn vegetable soup?

Does your mobile phone make you feel popular? If you don't get a call or a text in an hour, a day, two days, how do you feel? Anxious? Do you get a little oo! of excitement when you glance at your phone to see '3 new messages received'?

I sat behind a woman on the train home from Leeds yesterday. I could see her reflected in the window, scrolling, scrolling through the names in her phone. She called, I think, 15 people in the two and a half hour journey. Curiously, I thought, she didn't receive any calls.

All her questions were the same, aggressively asked, tenacious and direct: 'What are you doing?', 'Where are you?', 'What football match are you watching?', 'Why haven't you called me?', 'When can we meet up?', 'What about Tuesday?', 'Why not Saturday lunch?'.

Why can't you, what's the matter, when will you, when can we.

I wondered who all these people were, if they were friends or people who validated her sense of self-worth.

Are you a good friend?

I hate being the centre of attention.

The photographic equivalent of catching a dragonfly in the palm of your hand.

There's a phone-in going on at my place of work, with curly sandwiches and warm white wine. It's a strange eating etiquette.

Everyone's standing around the plates of food, but nobody seems to dare take anything for fear of seeming greedy, with lots of sideways and downwards glances at the food. These glances also serve as distraction away from making polite conversation or eye contact with others.

They're all being very careful not to be seen to eat too much, take the biggest or the best.

It reminds me of a Piet Hein Grook on Social Mechanism:

When people always
try to take
the very smallest
piece of cake
how can it also
always be
that that's the one
that's left for me?

More.

Sudden need to go forth and eew about day-to-day nastiness. If you’re eating, please look away now.

:: the amount of saliva in an average post box
:: pigeons pecking at human vomit
:: dandruffy shoulders on a packed morning tube
:: dog shit on a hot pavement
:: greasy head smears on the glass by an end seat in a tube carriage
:: the corners of any public toilet

Dear Mr B Leomanu

Thank you for trying to steal £2000 from me, by writing out one of my cheques to yourself. How did you get my cheque book?

Tonight I left my wallet at work. I discovered this only when trying to pay at the supermarket till. Unusually, I had a credit card in my bag, so I used that.

I got home to find that my mobile bill was up in the 80s again, but opened a letter from BR to receive £37 worth of free rail travel.

I hope you get your own cash karma.

Yours sincerely

Vic

Things I did last week: chatted in two-year-old's Swedish with twins E and E, caught up with my friends K, Y and F, drank coffee in an undiscovered café, saw new art, visited streets known and unknown, decided which way to turn, had a hotel lie-in or two, rode a bike, shouted for a beer in a club, felt small, felt English, felt fresh air, ate pink caviar for breakfast, argued about the Euro, looked at Denmark from Sweden, looked at Sweden from Denmark, climbed through someone's window, went to a gig on the Øresund bridge, visited Louisiana and walked on the beach with an oily, thick sea crashing on us, visited Christiana before it closes, fell in love a little more.

Whaddya know? A good week all round.

What I feel like doing this week: chatting in two-year-old's Swedish with twins E and E, catching up with my friends K, Y and F, swimming in a sea, drinking coffee in an undiscovered café, seeing new art, visiting streets known and unknown, deciding which way to turn, having a hotel lie-in or two, riding a bike, shouting for a beer in a club, feeling small, feeling English, feeling fresh air, eating pink caviar for breakfast, arguing about the Euro, looking at Denmark from Sweden, looking at Sweden from Denmark.

And whaddya know? See ya next week!

Was enlightened to previously scary halloumi cheese yesterday. Try it for yourself.

Make a salsa dressing from lemon juice, lemon zest, 1 teaspoon sugar and some very finely chopped green chilli.

Cut a small baguette into quarters. Toast each quarter for a bit, in the oven. Take out of the oven. On top of each quarter place enough thickish slices of halloumi cheese to cover the surface. Toast again until warm through and ever-so-slightly melted.

Put two quarters per person on a plate, spoon over some salsa and be away with ye.