Bring back Greg.

A woman called me at work today and introduced herself by saying 'Hello, my name's Lou, we spoke before Christmas - I'm a cookery school.'

Noooo! Get away! Really? Must be tough carrying all those bricks around, and that roof! All those birds landing on it.

No problem, more a puzzle.

Had no idea there are so many galleries near me, with more on Vyne Street ter boot.

I'm enjoying Eats, Shoots & Leaves. OK, some of the writing is self-consciously funny and the anecdote on the cover is the clean Panda joke, not the pornographic Panda joke (or the koala one), but it does it for me.

I'm just reading the chapter on exclamation marks, which includes traditional usage:

1 in involuntary ejaculations: "Phew! Lord love a duck!" and
6 to deflect potential misunderstanding of irony: "I don't mean it!"

Lynne, I think you missed one:
7 in business email, to signify incredulous annoyance: "I can't believe you left off our site! The one you've listed isn't even a tourist office!"

Certain vistors to this site may be interested to learn that an exclamation mark is known variously as a screamer, a gasper, a startler or a dog's cock.

I keep insisting that my memory has improved since I began taking gingko biloba. Putting it to the test, these are my strongest memories of the last week or so. Hold onto your trousers:

Today: got up at 2pmish, went to visit my friend F in Kick, who’s over visiting from Sweden with new partner R. Had a hot chocolate, two Sagres and a plate of Spanish meat and cheese loveliness. Headed on to Juno for decompression coffee and digestives. Home on bus with strange beeping box conductor woman. Online for hours looking at flats to rent, called my friends E, N and S, spoke to R, and N at length. At home now, pondering on when to hit the sack. Will read more of Eat Shoots and Leaves before sleep.

Saturday: got up at 11.30, had quick breakfast, R went off to make music with J, I went to shops and bought: 1 mattress cover, 4 films, 1 tripod, 1 set underwear, 1 box multivitamins, 1 box cod liver oil with evening primrose oil, 1 box gingko biloba. Sushi, apple and mango juice for lunch. Home. 20 minute swim. Changed. Headed to Warwick Avenue to take photos at an engagement party, then back to Liverpool Street to meet R and friends in the Golden Hart, before heading to H’s flat for late night whiskey, with amusing company provided by all; lots of Blondie and photo-taking. Walked home to R’s via chips. Chased a cat. Bed at 3am.

Friday: got up at 8.30 at K’s. She made whopping bacon, eggs, potato waffles and toast for breakfast, then drove us to work. Worked all day, went to TVC with KC at lunchtime. S came over with a jumper for me. Had wine in the evening for F’s leaving celebration, then to an Italian restaurant in Soho where I had vongole pasta, then to see Lost in Translation at the Curzon Soho, then to Kettner’s for a bottle of champagne, then to Bar Italia for coffee and panettone. Bus home, was horrible, so we got off and walked for 1/2 hour. Camomile tea, bed at 4am.

Thursday: got up late, still managed to get to work on time. K drove me, H and two other people up to the stable yard for an hour’s riding. Was scary: windy and rainy on a tin roof, with spooky horses. Went to K’s for lovely sausage, mash, red onion and spring greens. Had a bath. Knackered. Bed at 11.30pm.

Wednesday: got up sometime. Work. Had various meetings, day went quite quickly. Met up with C and S in BKB for wine and food, I had steak and chips. Headed home, picked R up on the way. Slouched around, R danced a lot. Bed late.pm.

Tuesday: got up, had bath. Work. S came over with my ski stuff. Was supposed to go for drinks, but cried off in order to go shopping for black jumpers. Which I did, successfully.

Monday: got up. T back in work looking glowing after holiday. Went for long lunch with her and others. Home.

Last weekend: yoga on Saturday morning with A and A, terrifyingly painful with a hangover. Not to be repeated. Met up with v old friend M in Clerkenwell, before she headed back to Oz. Then to meet R at the Spitz. Bought Sunday Times, still such a thrill to buy on a Saturday night. Got up late, had crossed wires with S over meeting her. Read Sunday papers, went to camp Vietnamese restaurant with top hot coconut coffee, then to Kick for more coffee and good conversation.

With grateful thanks to Phil. The old ones are the best, eh?

A farmer was sitting on his porch one day when a young man drives in and comes to the door. "Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milk weed in your pasture. Would you mind if I went out and got some milk?"

"You don't get milk from milk weed!" the farmer replied.

"Oh yes" said the young man. "I have a degree in Agriculture from The University of Tasmania, so I know all about it."

"Well, help yourself," said the farmer. He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two buckets full of milk.

The next day the farmer was again sitting on his porch when the same young man drove up. "Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had some honeysuckle in the fence row. I wondered if you would mind if I got some honey?"

"You don't get honey from honeysuckle!" said the farmer.

Again the young man explained about his degree so the farmer agreed to let him collect some honey. Soon the young man came back to his car with two buckets full of honey.

The next day the same young man again drove up to the farmer's house. "Sir,yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you had some pussy willow down by the creek."

The farmer said, "Son, just let me get my shoes and I'll go with you"

Nice time waster.

I have had a look at the website, and sure enough he is not listed and I was wondering why as I know he used to be listed.

Just argh.

A man carrying a bible, talking to two nervously shifting men, who may or may not have known him.

'You must never wear jeans in public in England, it's very very rude, very rude. Only wear them at home.'

Overheard on the tube.

Language bound for Room 101:

++ 'obviously' and 'clearly'. Obvious and clear to you, maybe
++ 'we're looking to go to Spain next year', 'we are wanting to go to Spain next year' and variations thereof. Try 'we'd like to visit Spain next year'
++ anything central. As in Vegetable Central, Pizza Central
++ 'softly moving', 'gently cleansing', 'disingenuously colonising', 'incongruously jaywalking', 'anonymously decomposing', 'inappropriately voiding'. Copywriters, hang your heads, walk in shame with slowly dragging footsteps, pointlessly creating
++ 'I now require that you', 'I’m writing to advise you'. Further to your 'advice', fuck off back to school, pay attention at the back this time