A brief lesson in how to look good at work and effortlessly cover up your dim mistakes.

Imagine you caught a train this morning. Imagine that you wanted to get off at Reading, but that to your surprise, the train wasn't due to stop at Reading, instead going straight through to Paddington. You pay the extra fare to the nice conductor, explaining your mistake, with the intention of travelling to Paddington, then back to Reading.

As you talk to the conductor, the train has halted just before Reading, where it will stay for 45 minutes. There's a tree on the line. Do you call work to tell them you'll be late? Not quite, have a think about it. OK. What do you say? You say that a tree has fallen on the line and you'll be late.

Time passes.

Your phone rings. It's your boss. In, I imagine, response to the question 'Where are you now?', you reply 'Just outside Swindon'.

A perfect alibi, or so you thought. Mwah ahahhahahaahh.